fleamontpotter:

My own play called ‘Harry Potter and the Blessed Child’

– Trelawney has made another prophecy, this one about how Harry and Ginny will have a blessed child
– the three children argue about who it is
– James Sirius thinks it’s him because he’s unbelievably good looking and good at everything and is extremely cocky
– Lily Luna thinks it’s her because she has inherited both her parents talent for quidditch
– Albus Severus thinks it’s him because despite his name he does not pray for death every day
(Cut to Hogwarts)
– Neville is worried about Hagrid because he’s become obsessed with Steve Irwin and has imported crocodiles from Australia to show his third years
– He goes to his hut to try to reason with him but after watching an episode of The Crocodile Hunter ends up agreeing to help him care for the crocodiles whilst Hagrid goes to get a great white shark to bring into the lake
– McGonagall retired after teaching James Sirius for one day, but every year McGonagall Day is held where every student is on their best behaviour in honour of her
(Cut to 2 hour segment of Harry James Potter being happy)
– Ron learns to cook and is actually really fucking good at it, he opens a restaurant
– Malfoy visits the restaurant to mock Ron, and asks him if they have any ‘weasel pies’
– Malfoy ends up obsessed with the food there and secretly visits each week under a new disguise
– Hermione starts a knitted beanie business
(3 hour montage of the Harry, Ron, Hermione laughing merrily)
– Albus Severus asks to change his name, Harry agrees that he can change it only if he changes it to Fleamont
(1 hour Luna Lovegood dance sequence)
– Long speech about how the blessed child was all 3 children all along, Lily Luna and James Sirius sob and embrace their brother Fleamont Hedwig.
– (audience sobs because they are the blessed children too)
– The end